NOAH and the ARK

A modern version of Noah and the Ark

The Maraysian version

(Dear readers, please note that this is a very long blog with a long story. I wanted it to break into two parts but then, the impact would not be so 'shiok'. Therefore, please take your time to read and enjoy this. Would not be around to blog for the next four days so, this makes up for it. Thanks, Ed.)

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Maraysia, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the

unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.

Noah! He roared, I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ? Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, .....‘but things have changed.'

First I need to have a bumi PARTNER who is linked to amenno then I needed a building permit from PK&S and also have to 'kau tim' under counter to get the permit.

Then I’ve been arguing with the BomBbA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors complained to The Malay Mail of the height of the ark I was going to build and the

next day it was in the headlines claiming that I’ve violated the neighborhood building by-laws

that my Ark is exceeding the height limitations. I appealed to the makamah and it was approved.

The Opposition took advantage of the situation,
and said I was a government crony and did nasty things with my face in the Internet I don’t know how they superimposed my face on a naked body with naked MP’s. I do not even take pictures of any near-naked politicians and portrayed it on the YOU TUBE.
Oh Lord, you are the all knowing and I did not take the photos of any politicians or MPs.

Then there was a another stop work order even before I could start work. The Badan Cegah

Rasuah arrested me for pornography.

I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan, talk like him, Acts like him but is

not him …said he knows the Chief Justice and the Plime Minister the Apa ..nama … and can clear my name but i have to buy them tickets to Austriilia.

After clearing my name …I had to again go to the PK&S Appeal Board for a decision to allow

me to build the Ark.

Then government after approving the plans said I must use only SiRIM approved goods and

must buy from their list of CLASS Fk contractors,
which are 15 times more expensive than the cina apek hardware shop.

Then the T&B and JpJ demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines

and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark ’s move to the sea.

I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. SuKHAM and the JABATAN HuTANg NEGARA

said there’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the orang utan.

I tried to convince SuKHAM and JABATAN HuTANg NEGARA that I needed the wood to save

the orang hutan – but they said no go.

When I started gathering the animals, Jakun and SPCA sued me. They said I cannot put the chickens,

and the pigs,
next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HaLLAL and the animal group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive,and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then JaBATAN KERJA RAYA AND JaBATAN KaJIAN dan GaLIAN ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many

bumiputra contractors I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

JABATAN ImMIGRASI and ReLA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work.

The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.

As I started to CLEAR THE AREA TO BUILD THE ARK, 6 gangsters came and demanded for protection money.

And said they will control the area for selling of drugs and prostitution to my workers.

When I complained to the PuLISs… the next day the PIG of PuLISs sent an ASaP who came

in full uniform. The following week, the six gangsters who were demanding protection money, doubled my protection fee.

Then there was a by election and I was forced to be an AmenNO member to get my permits

approved and made to pay a donation by the Balisan candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBLAH other wise he will make my life difficult when I did not, as I was already your member.

Every department I turn to is asking what they call “Kopi Wang”.

I calculated that if I had to pay all the so called “Kopi wang” and give the

donation the cost to build the ARK will be 20 times more higher… I refused to give them the

Kopi Wang as I am faithful to you, Oh Lord.

Then some top level politicians were very disappointed with me for not giving donations and called me a murtad but i told them my name is Noah, not murtad, they got very angry and said they have connections

Suddenly I am a suspect behind the murder of a Mongoloid lady because the place where she was murdered happens to be near the land where I am going to make the Ark and was arrested.

To make matters worse, the Jabatan HaSIL seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, ‘You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?’

‘No,’ said the Lord.

‘The Gormen beat me to it!’

(Disclaimer: This is purely a joke and not to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to person/s past, alive or yet to be born is purely, yah, purely co-incidental. If you do not like, or get angry over such trival issue such as this joke, you must be a raving lunatic looking for every possible way to start trouble. Please lighten up and live a normal life such as an ant. HaHa!)

This story was created by an anonymous blogger two years ago. (The photos are from Google pix) Thanks to who ever you are!

Still A Top Dog!

Yup! It is.

The Panasonic Lumix GH2 is still rated as 'Top Dog' in video shooting via a photo camera.
A comparison with the new Canon 600D and the newer Sony NEX 5N is laid bare here to see.

An international reviewer says so here.

The proof is in the pudding.

Many still do not know that the GH2 is NOT a 'point-and-shoot' camera.

It is a serious non-DSLR camera enough.

Macro Shots

How close can we get?

Was photographing using both the Rollei and the Leica Macro lenses for real close up shots. The results were amazing as sharpness and color reproduction from these top quality lens were expected. Shot both in JPEG and RAW.

This highly magnified shot of a red ball point pen was taken with a bellow extension set using an old lens from my old SLR camera.

This two shots of wild flowers (below) were taken with the Leica DG Macro-Elmarit 45mm f/2.8 ASPH macro lens (micro 4/3 format)

A wild fern and a wild flower taken in Genting Highlands
With a special adaptor, the lens fitted to the micro four-third camera perfectly.

Here is some pictures taken with the Leica macro lens.

Malaysian Passion Fruit in close up.

A beautiful old 'classic' lens

Announcement (repost)

Airport Flight Arrival
Announcement

(This is a repost of my blog of 29th. August, 2008)

Received this joke.
It is really Funny.

Apologies! Not intended to make fun of anybody. Not Thais nor any Sinkaporeans.

18As!! (repost)

The objective of STPM
is to pass people?

(This is a re-post of my blog of 11th. August, 2009)

How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the exams of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently, when during your father's time only 10% would have passed?

Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?

Let me put things in their proper perspective. During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like: "In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka ?"
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people. I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the Kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2007, (b) 2004, (c) 1996, (d) 1989, (e) 1402. Tick the correct answer."
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed.

But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?"
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed.
The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a 'boleh' country.

The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the Kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402.
Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402".
Yeah!!!!....60% managed to pass! So krever!

But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:
"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"
13% (smart students) handed in blank answers,
57% wrote "Maggi Mee",
10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken"
and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak".

The correct answer was anything concerning "Food" of course!
After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%!!!!!............now that's pretty impressive!

So it's true.
So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter?
Well done Boleh-land!

Perhaps, this is why we have a host of students with an impressive string of 'As' who can hardly construct a decent sentence!

Neow mind, our super-duper gomen can find a job for us one.

Duh……"Malaysia Boleh" !

(Many thanks to lieson for the above joke! Pictures are from Google Images...Any references made to any person/s ....living ,dead or yet to be born, are purely co-incidental...Ed)

Sleeping on the Job

Repost: ZZZZZzzzzzzz!

This is a repost of my posting of 2008.

Many may not have seen this, but because of what I have seen AGAIN yesterday at another shopping complex in the city, it is definitely a case of concern.

Are these guards overworked? Why are they sleeping on the job especially with a loaded gun?

Are these guard fully trained to be guards? Are they fully trained to handle a loaded weapon which can hurt and kill innocent bystanders if I is careless? Are they Malaysians?

The so called 'security guards' patrolling our streets in our 'guarded taman' (garden) are of either Bangas, Nepalis,Myanmaris...etc. and are lowly paid. Do they know our laws?

Here is the blog of 9th. July, 2008.

http://birdstalkingtoo.blogspot.com/2008/07/zzzzzzzzzzzzz.html

Another Close UP

A new bird

The Brown Throated Sunbird.

All done super close, super clear HD video.

Watch here.

Ultra Close-Up

Our resident bird,

the Olive-backed Sunbird in HD Video

The set-up took 4 days.

Under the cover of heavy shading and camouflage, our Alpha male in full breeding plumage struck a pose.

He co-operated by sitting pretty, preening and cleaning and what a handsome guy he is.

He's got competition because there is another guy around.

He is our new visitor.

We are proud to announce that another species have just visited our home. He is a cousin of the Olive-backed (Nectarinia jugularis) [below].

The brown-throated Sunbird (Anthreptes malacensis) [above] have arrived. He is much bigger and have more colors than the Olive-backed.

This new pair ( a gurl too) have made a nest on our mango tree.

Yup, the same tree that the pesky kitty was lurking above. (Please see my last post)

We are patiently waiting to complete another ultra close-up shot on this new bird.

Btw, the kitty is no more.

Yup, conked!

According to a neighbour of ours, the bad kitty got hit by a truck!!!

I suspect that all da birds have something to do with this! Ha!Ha!

Let us watch the Olive-back Sunbird video here.

Walking On Trees

Cat Attack

Few months ago, we were invaded by neighbour's cats. Seven of 'em. (less two but added two again!) They killed our seven year old Japanese Koi fish from our pond. One gave birth to four kittens on our vegetable planter box. The rest shit-ted and pee-edd in our garden thus making our beloved home, their toilet!

We were then worried for our other Kois and of course, our birds. Feathers were found among the flower pots. This time, we caught two of them in the act. On Video.

Blardy cats, they should be playing with their fellow pussies in their own home. But no. Their owner does not give a two hoots even after we made some complaint. Blardy shit, they have just declared WAR after killing two Merbuk (dove) babies and left their mummy, half featherless in our house.

They got into our home by walking on trees! The main gate proved too deadly I guess!

Watch the video here.

The Nativity of Our BVM

Today is the Birthday of our Blessed Virgin Mary.

"She Will Bear A Son And You Shall Call Him Jesus" [Matthew 1:1-16]

We celebrate this special day because she is the Mother of Jesus, our Savior.

Listen to a beautiful song dedicated to Mary....."Mary, Did You Know?" performed by Kenny Rogers and Wynona Judd.

Enjoy this song.

A Marriage Proposal

A True Story

Below is a true event. It is a letter to a sweetheart proposing marriage.

It was written in Punjabi English.

Dear Madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket,


and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. Ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top.

That is how nice I am.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants are always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.

I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day....


in fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come.

So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon, quick, quick come.

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich

[Born by mother in Oka

ra and become big in Lahore,

Punjab]

(Note: Apologies if any Punjabi feel offended. It is only a joke.)

Thanks to Michael Huang for this light hearted humor.

Infinity Chilli

The Hottest Chilli In The World

Just as we think we have tasted hot chillis.

Our Malaysian cabai burung aka chili padi is already a 'burner' and further still, the Jalapeno peppers which is used in the renown 'Tabasco sauce' is hot indeed.

Here come the 'Infinity Chilli.

This hybrid was developed in the UK.

Recorded as the hottest that may send some to the emergency room. It has a rating of 1,067,00 SHU (Scoville Heat Unit) only slightly lower that weapons grade pepper spray! Jalapeno has only 5,000 SHU as compared.

Does he dare to take a bite?

Or do we take up the challenge to try it out?

Jobless In America

Why Are Americans Jobless?

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6am. While his coffee pot (made in China)

was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (made in Philippines).

He put on a dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), designer jeans (made in Singapore) and tennis shoes (made in Vietnam). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in India), then he sat down with his calculator (made in Mexico) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (made in Taiwan)

to the radio (made in India), he got to his car (made in Germany) filled it with gas (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying American Job.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (made in Malaysia),

John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (made in Brazil), poured himself a glass of wine (made in France) and turned on his TV (made in Korea),

and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in America.

And now he is hoping that he can get help from his President………

......................................................................................(Made in Kenya)!!!!!!!

[Many thanks to Aldwin Tan for sharing this joke]