A Marriage Proposal

A True Story

Below is a true event. It is a letter to a sweetheart proposing marriage.

It was written in Punjabi English.

Dear Madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket,


and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. Ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top.

That is how nice I am.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants are always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.

I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day....


in fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come.

So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon, quick, quick come.

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich

[Born by mother in Oka

ra and become big in Lahore,

Punjab]

(Note: Apologies if any Punjabi feel offended. It is only a joke.)

Thanks to Michael Huang for this light hearted humor.