Friday, September 30, 2011

NOAH and the ARK

A modern version of Noah and the Ark
The Maraysian version

(Dear readers, please note that this is a very long blog with a long story. I wanted it to break into two parts but then, the impact would not be so 'shiok'. Therefore, please take your time to read and enjoy this. Would not be around to blog for the next four days so, this makes up for it. Thanks, Ed.)

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Maraysia, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.

Noah! He roared, I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ? Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, .....‘but things have changed.'

First I need to have a bumi PARTNER who is linked to amenno then I needed a building permit from PK&S and also have to 'kau tim' under counter to get the permit.

Then I’ve been arguing with the BomBbA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors complained to The Malay Mail of the height of the ark I was going to build and the
next day it was in the headlines claiming that I’ve violated the neighborhood building by-laws
that my Ark is exceeding the height limitations. I appealed to the makamah and it was approved.

The Opposition took advantage of the situation,
and said I was a government crony and did nasty things with my face in the Internet I don’t know how they superimposed my face on a naked body with naked MP’s. I do not even take pictures of any near-naked politicians and portrayed it on the YOU TUBE.
Oh Lord, you are the all knowing and I did not take the photos of any politicians or MPs.

Then there was a another stop work order even before I could start work. The Badan Cegah
Rasuah arrested me for pornography.

I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan, talk like him, Acts like him but is

not him …said he knows the Chief Justice and the Plime Minister the Apa ..nama … and can clear my name but i have to buy them tickets to Austriilia.

After clearing my name …I had to again go to the PK&S Appeal Board for a decision to allow
me to build the Ark.

Then government after approving the plans said I must use only SiRIM approved goods and
must buy from their list of CLASS Fk contractors,
which are 15 times more expensive than the cina apek hardware shop.

Then the T&B and JpJ demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark ’s move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. SuKHAM and the JABATAN HuTANg NEGARA
said there’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the orang utan.

I tried to convince SuKHAM and JABATAN HuTANg NEGARA that I needed the wood to save
the orang hutan – but they said no go.

When I started gathering the animals, Jakun and SPCA sued me. They said I cannot put the chickens,
and the pigs,
next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HaLLAL and the animal group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive,and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then JaBATAN KERJA RAYA AND JaBATAN KaJIAN dan GaLIAN ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many
bumiputra contractors I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

JABATAN ImMIGRASI and ReLA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work.

The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.

As I started to CLEAR THE AREA TO BUILD THE ARK, 6 gangsters came and demanded for protection money.
And said they will control the area for selling of drugs and prostitution to my workers.

When I complained to the PuLISs… the next day the PIG of PuLISs sent an ASaP who came
in full uniform. The following week, the six gangsters who were demanding protection money, doubled my protection fee.

Then there was a by election and I was forced to be an AmenNO member to get my permits
approved and made to pay a donation by the Balisan candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBLAH other wise he will make my life difficult when I did not, as I was already your member.

Every department I turn to is asking what they call “Kopi Wang”.

I calculated that if I had to pay all the so called “Kopi wang” and give the

donation the cost to build the ARK will be 20 times more higher… I refused to give them the
Kopi Wang as I am faithful to you, Oh Lord.

Then some top level politicians were very disappointed with me for not giving donations and called me a murtad but i told them my name is Noah, not murtad, they got very angry and said they have connections

Suddenly I am a suspect behind the murder of a Mongoloid lady because the place where she was murdered happens to be near the land where I am going to make the Ark and was arrested.

To make matters worse, the Jabatan HaSIL seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, ‘You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?’

‘No,’ said the Lord.

‘The Gormen beat me to it!’

(Disclaimer: This is purely a joke and not to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to person/s past, alive or yet to be born is purely, yah, purely co-incidental. If you do not like, or get angry over such trival issue such as this joke, you must be a raving lunatic looking for every possible way to start trouble. Please lighten up and live a normal life such as an ant. HaHa!)

This story was created by an anonymous blogger two years ago. (The photos are from Google pix) Thanks to who ever you are!


Dreamer said...

OMG! The Lord was so forgiving! maybe he shouldn't create this in the first place when he is going to destroy it anyway.

Should we beings be forgiving instead to the Lord for his indecisiveness?

lightning strikes i hear!

Monyet King said...

ha ha ... good one. Enjoyed reading it. Cheers

Birds Talking Too said...

Thanks for dropping by Dreamer, Monyet King. Cheers